Shy Men! Testosterone, Oxytocin, & Self Confidence!
by Bob
(USA)
Hello,
I am interested in learning how correlated confidence is with Testosterone for a man. Like I've stated before my testosterone levels are around 200 ng/dl.
It is no surprise that I am also extremely shy and lack confidence. Here is a few questions that float around in my mind concerning this topic.
Can a man be confident with low testosterone?
Is it possible for a man with a high testosterone level to not be confident?
Can being confident make your body produce more testosterone?
Can going from a low testosterone level to a high testosterone level completely change a man's personality?
I try to be confident.
It is easy for me to sit in front of the mirror and say I am confident, but when I step into the real world reality sets in and my body language displays that I don't possess confidence.
Is the shyness and lack of confidence a side effect of low testosterone?
Or perhaps this is just a personality issue that does not have much to do with hormones?
I do remember reading on this site that high testosterone men have a lot of confidence.
However, would a man getting his testosterone levels to go from extremely low to high give him a such a huge confidence boost that he would go from some shy guy with nothing interesting to talk about to a confident man people can depend on?
Thank you for your time, please get back to me as soon as possible.
Shy Men!
Testosterone, Oxytocin, & Self Confidence!
Hello Bob,
Extreme shyness is caused by more than just low testosterone levels.
I'll talk more about testosterone later, but for now, let me ask you a question.
Have you ever met an extremely outgoing, friendly, and socially gregarious person?
The type of person that could walk into a room full of complete strangers, and leave 30 minutes later, with a cell phone loaded with the emails, telephone numbers, and names of half a dozen or so brand new best friends?
I call these individuals, oxytocin people, and my wife happens to be one of them.
If we ever get into a tight social situation with the police, a difficult neighbor, or whoever, I always let the wife take over.
In 2 minutes, she'll have this person purring at her feet like a little baby kitten.
When we were in our 20's, we got into a bad situation in Mexico.
So bad, that we could have landed in a Mexican jail for 6 months or more.
The police were called, and I'll tell you right now, while we were waiting around, I was sweating bullets.
When they arrived, I was smart enough to step back, and let her go to work.
And let me tell you, she turned it on.
She was, and still is an extremely attractive woman, but that doesn't even come close to explaining what happened next.
I won't go into all the details here, I'll just jump to the chase, and tell you how the situation ended.
By the time she had finished up, we were headed straight to the Tijuana border, with a full blown police escort.
No ticket, no citation, no arrest, no nothing!
As we were crossing into the US, one of the officers asked my wife for her contact information.
Remember, they were best friends by now.
When we departed, we received hugs, from BOTH officers.
3 months later, one of the men actually showed up at my wife's parents house in San Diego, looking for her!
That's the power of oxytocin.
Oxytocin is the social, bonding hormone, and people who have a lot of it, have a gift.
The gift of extreme social intelligence, that comes naturally.
They genuinely like people, love to interact with others, and are fearless in social situations.
Women release it directly after birth, which leads to the immediate and powerful bond between a woman and her child.
The more oxytocin you have, the less active the fear and stress centers in the brain will be when
confronted with any type of social situation.
I believe that shyness or lack thereof, is very much driven by this hormone, as well as many others.
But...
Other factors can come into play as well.
- A publicly humiliating experience early on in life.
- An aggressive or domineering parent.
- A childhood environment where you where heavily criticized.
- A lack of affection, or cold and emotionally unavailable parents.
- Parents that used guilt and shame to manipulate, control, and punish.
- If one or more of your parents are shy, your chances of becoming shy yourself, are much more likely as well.
These are a few examples, but I'm sure there are dozens more.
The bottom line is, many things can lead to shyness.
On the flip side, there are many things you can do to overcome shyness as well.
In men, boosting testosterone is one of them...Researchers out of Georgia State University, found that men with high levels of the testosterone have a more confident manner in social situations, when compared to those who have lower levels of testosterone.
Let's talk about a few hypothetical examples here...
Go out to any tennis court, and watch two men play. All things being equal, the guy with more T will win the match.
Put 2 guys in a room with a woman. The guy with more T gets the girl every time.
Have two men strip down to their underwear. The guy with more T, will carry more muscle on his frame, and will most likely carry around more self confidence because of it.
Two guys start the exact same business.One has the juice, the other doesn't.
The T man will be more aggressive, take more risk, and work harder than the low T man.
In short, his business will be much more likely to thrive.
If he fails, so what! He's got so much motivation and energy, he'll get up off the floor, and start all over again!
The low T man won't be so lucky.Chances are, he wouldn't even have the drive to get up and start a business in the first place.
So...Looking at these two men, who do you think is going to be more confident, more sure of himself?
The tennis champ with the muscle, the girl, and the business, or the other guy, who spends most of his time coming in second place.
I think you know the answer.Chances are, you're never going to be the best small talker in world, the life of the party, or the biggest ladies man in town either.
It's not in your nature, so don't fight it!
Work with what you have!I guarantee you, if you take your testosterone levels from 200 up to the 800 range, and you will become a different man.
Sure, you'll still experience a bit of anxiety when walking into a room full of strangers, but the fear won't be crippling.
Once you get warmed up, you'll be fine.
And remember, most women LOVE to talk, which means they LOVE guys who don't talk too much.
Sure, some are into the life of the party, but most aren't.
Do this...Grasp this picture of yourself, and do whatever it takes to make it happen...
Picture yourself strong, muscular, cool, calm, collected, self assured, and extremely confident.
Think Clint Eastwood in his Spaghetti Western days.
He wasn't jabbering all the time, but when he talked people listened.
This can be you.
Not with a testosterone level of 200,
But...Certainly once you get up into the 800 range.
Good luck!
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